When I was a kid, I LOVED the movie ‘Rover Dangerfield’, starring growly-voiced comedian Roger Dangerfield as the lead voice actor.

For whatever reason - maybe something to do with watching it a couple of dozen times over - I started to notice I had a ‘voice’ in my head… who sounded like Roger Dangerfield.

‘No respect, no respect at alll…'

A strange choice for a 6 year old, but it probably explains a lot…

Anyway, it was the first time I realised something that we all share, our inner monologue that comes from voices of our primary caregivers, teachers, friends, foes, cartoon dogs… That inner voice doesn’t go away, it just comes along for the ride.

And sometimes - it’s a bit of a twat.

At these times, I - and many others - refer to it as the 'inner critic.’

You know - the times it’s saying things like:

• I’m no good at….
• I’m strange/different in this way…
• There’s no time left for me to….
• Compared to others I’m rubbish because...

Like I mentioned in the last instalment, critical self talk is really not helpful for our self esteem.

It brings us down to the level of our deepest fears - and makes it bloody hard to stand tall and act courageously.

But it can be made much more quiet - and that’s when our cork of self esteem can bob to the top again.

First, we need to acknowledge these words are just that: more often than not, the crap we tell ourselves is based on misinformation and mistaking beliefs.

Before we can shift our thinking, let’s acknowledge what crazy things we’re telling ourselves.

Exercise: Identify, Acknowledge and Reframe

A. Identify an area in your life where the inner critic is very vocal.

B. Listen to your Inner Critic for a couple of minutes – just listen.

C. Write down what your inner critic is telling you about this.

D. Ask your Inner Critic the following questions, writing down the answers:

1) What are you trying to accomplish?

2) What do you want from me?

3) What do you want for me?

4) What are you afraid might happen if I don’t listen to you?

5) What would make it easier for you?

6) What would make you feel safer?

E. Review

Look at them again. (Some may have changed already).

Find your inner mentor. this could be the voice of someone who has supported you. They could even be made up (I like Jiminy Cricket for this one) How would you talk encouragingly to a loved one?

Next, re-write all your statements from your Inner Critic.

e.g "I’m crap at maths" Is that really true? What are you basing it on - is that relevant today? Was it someone else’s voice? Could you learn more? Or kindly say, "I struggle with this, it isn’t my best skill (of which I have many) and it’s ok to ask for help here instead of beating myself up!"

Repeat this with all your critic’s statements.

How to know who is speaking

One thing I know I’ve struggled with is identifying whether it’s my inner critic telling me something, or my intuition guiding me away from something.

Intuition is basically the ‘gut feeling’ (though you can feel it elsewhere, like your heart/chest area) that propels us to do something without the why or how - or any of the facts we like to jump to in order to justify our actions.

Apparently, this isn’t just the stuff of witch doctors and mystics - it’s being studied by cognitive psychologists and even the U.S. military are looking into the power of these unconscious instincts… for what that’s worth.

We all have intuition; the problem is we aren’t usually taught how to listen to it, so at first it can feel rather elusive - and in some cases, not present at all.

This was the case for me, and only when I started attempting to quiet my chatty inner voice, could I listen to my intuition - a far more trustworthy guide.

Meditation or mindfulness is for sure an excellent way to tap into your intuition. Just getting calm and quiet for 5 minutes a day can have benefits. Now there are plenty of apps to help ease us in to mindfulness I’m a big fan of Insight Timer because of all it’s guided meditations, the fact that it’s free and the ability to set nice bells and singing bowl sounds to your own timed meditations.)

The other practise I recommend is journaling; writing to your intuition by asking questions, writing them down and writing whatever flows as the answer. Jess Lively is the one who got me hooked on that - and her 5 day mini course is worth checking out.

I’ve also included a plethora of journal prompts to give you fodder for talking to your intuition - if you’re feeling shy 😉